Rachel, Leah, and the Fear of Missing Out

We seem to live in a world of epidemics anymore.  Have you noticed that?  The big one was the Covid pandemic, but all sorts of other things are on the rise and spreading, too.  There is the porn epidemic, the narcissism epidemic, the entitlement epidemic.  The list goes on.  Today, though, I want to talk about the “fear of missing out” epidemic.  Haven’t heard about that one?  I hadn’t either, until I started researching fear for the book I am working on.  It turns out this is a bigger problem than we realize.  Researchers are saying that this is the fear that keeps us spending way too much time on social media, game apps, and shopping websites.  The fear of missing out is the main weapon used by advertisers to get us to buy things.  And it was part of what the serpent used in the Garden of Eden to get Eve to eat that fruit. 

We are all infected with the fear-of-missing-out disease.

Now I am not telling you not to enjoy social media or game apps or shopping.  I just was surprised how powerful this fear is, and has always been since the beginning.  So what is the fear of missing out?  It is the idea that you are lacking something because someone else has it or is experiencing it and you are not.  Advertising uses this all the time.  You know when they say, “Be one of the first 100 buyers and get a free spatula?”  They trigger your fear of missing out!  Someone is going to get something that you aren’t, and it doesn’t even really seem to matter whether you want a free spatula or not.  You just want to be in the group that gets something that others will miss out on.  It can show up in social media because you see great photos of all of the amazing lives everyone else has.  You forget they are posting the idealized part of their life – not the everyday problems, and struggles, and monotony.  And you start to feel like somehow you are missing out because you haven’t gotten to take a selfie in front of the world’s biggest paperclip.  In fact, that is the primary reason that experts believe that depression is on the rise.  We keep comparing our lives to what we see on TV, social media, and movies, and we think we are missing out.  I certainly do it.  Being single and without children, I often feel like I am missing out on the joy and love of having a family.  And really, I am missing out on some things that give people great joy and satisfaction.  But my married friends with children are quick to point out that it isn’t all ideal!  They think they are missing out because they see the freedom I have to pursue my own goals and to travel.  We are all infected with the fear-of-missing-out disease.

Eve began to believe she was missing out on something – that God was holding out on her.

Eve had the disease.  In Genesis 3:4-5, when the serpent said, “You will not certainly die … For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened and you will be like God, knowing good and evil,” Eve began to believe she was missing out on something – that God was holding out on her.  She could have said, “You know what?  I don’t want that because I have everything I need, and if God said no, then I don’t need it.”  But she didn’t.  In Genesis 3:6, Eve “… saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom….”  She felt like she was lacking wisdom.  That God was withholding something.  That she was missing out.  So she ate the fruit and introduced the sin in the world that we all still battle today.

The problems between Rachel and Leah were fueled by the fear of missing out.

That brings us to Rachel and Leah.  Oh my goodness – those two couldn’t get along for two minutes!  The jealousy and the covetousness – bartering to see who would get to be with Jacob.  And it was all fueled by the fear of missing out.  Rachel was afraid she was missing out because she couldn’t have children and Leah could.  Leah felt like she was missing out because Jacob loved Rachel much more than her.  So they competed and fought and schemed.

When Leah turned her heart to the Lord, miraculous things happened.

How did that work out for them?  Well, Leah struggled with it for her first three sons.  We know this because of what she named them. Reuben’s name means “behold, a son,” which sounds like praise.  But it is not the right kind of praise.  Genesis 29:37 says that Leah called him that because, “… the Lord has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now.”  It was all about winning the love of her husband, not about praising God.  The next son, Simeon, means “God has heard,” but again Leah has the wrong heart.  Genesis 29:33 says, “Because the Lord heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one, too.”  It is still about her husband.  The third son, Levi, means “joined” or “attached”.  Leah says this in Genesis 29:34: “Now at last my husband will become attached to me.”  Still the wrong heart.  Finally, with her fourth son, Judah, she figures it out.  Judah means “praise” and this time she is praising in the right direction.  For this one son, she sets her pain aside.  She decides not to focus on the thing she doesn’t have – her husband’s love.  She decides to be thankful for the thing she does have – children.  And she praises God.  In Genesis 29: 34, she says, “This time I will praise the Lord.”  And when she turned her heart to the Lord, miraculous things happened.  It is no mistake that the tribe of Judah is the one from which Jesus came.  When Leah finally quit worrying about what she was missing out on and turned to God instead with thanks for what she had, she produced the line of the Messiah! 

Rachel also struggled with the fear of missing out.

Rachel was not any better.  When she named her children, it was all about triumphing over her sister.  Genesis 30:1 tells us that she was jealous of her sister because Leah had children and Rachel couldn’t.  Verse 2 tells us that she had complained about it so much to Jacob that he finally got mad at her and rebuked her.  Her solution was to have her maid produce children with Jacob.  The first son was named Dan, meaning “God is my judge”.  Rachel says in Genesis 30:6: “God has vindicated me.”  She is having a pity party.  She got her way – she got her son.  And now she is saying it was because God agreed that the situation with Leah was totally unfair.  She is saying God jumped into her pity party and took her side.  Another wrong heart.  The next son her servant had, Naphtali, means “wrestling” or “struggling”.    In Genesis 30:8, Rachael exclaims, “I have had a great struggle with my sister and I have won.”  Wow.  Who needs reality TV when you have sisters like this to read about?

God still remembers.

 The really heartbreaking moment to me is what happens next with Leah.  She had finally gotten it figured out.  She had finally praised God.  She produced the son that the line of the Messiah would come through.  But the human brokenness kicked back in.  She fell into the trap of her sister’s bragging.  She started remembering what she was missing out on.  She dove back into the cycle of jealousy and competition.  She had quit having children so she used her maid to produce some more for her, too.  Her next two sons’ names mean “good fortune” and “happy”.  She had started rubbing it in.  Later she has a couple more sons of her own and she is back to proclaiming that “this son is the one that will make my husband love me.”  Rachel doesn’t give up either.  When Joseph is born, she says that God has taken away her disgrace but she names him Joseph, which means “give me another son”.  She still can’t be content, even when, as Genesis 30:22 tells us, God remembered Rachel.  This word “remembered” means to bring to mind or to think about.  The God of the universe was thinking about Rachel and her heartbreak and pain.  And Rachel responds by saying, “That’s great, but when do I get the next one?”

God gave them their desires but they had lost the chance to enjoy them.

In the end God, in His forbearance and love, does end up blessing Leah and Rachel with what they wanted so badly.  Rachel got her children.  And the second son, Benjamin, cost her her life.  She didn’t get to enjoy it.  Leah finally became the honored wife.  She is the one who lies buried by Jacob, while Rachel is buried somewhere else.  But she obviously didn’t get to live to enjoy that either.  They spent so long looking for that one thing that they didn’t have, that they probably missed out on enjoying all the things they did have.

Asking “what” instead of “why” is moving from victimhood to faith.

It is a tragedy for sure, but then I always come back to thinking about how it applies to me.  Am I any different?  No – sadly I am not.  We are all broken humans.  We are all susceptible to the fear of missing out.  The serpent can whisper to us, “God is withholding something from you” and suddenly we will want to move heaven and earth to get it.  We will become a victim, asking God why He is depriving us.  We will get like an angry child and tell God that He doesn’t really love us.  We will get resentful and jealous of those people that have what we want.  I do it.  I hurt when I see couples with families.  I begin to feel like I am incomplete because I have missed out on a husband and children.  The days alone seem more alone.  The activities I do by myself seem more meaningless.  Soon that is all I can think about, and I start the spiral into anger and hurt and depression.  Yet we can all be like Leah in her best moment.  We can set it aside for a little while and instead thank God for what we do have.  We can praise Him in the midst of the pain.  God remembered Rachel.  God remembered Leah.  God remembers me.  God remembers you.  Setting the pain and longing aside doesn’t mean God will forget about what our hearts desire.  It doesn’t mean that we should quit bringing the desire before God.  In fact, that is the best way to set it aside – by giving it to God in prayer.  What it does mean is that we turn the control of it over to God and let Him address it in His time and in His way.  Being the victim and asking “Why” turns us from God and toward dissatisfaction, anger, and depression.  Try asking “What”.  Ask, “What have you already given me?  What can I be grateful for?  What good do I see in my life?”. It is not easy.  It takes a commitment to catching those thoughts and fears about missing out and turning them around to praise.  It takes courage to say “Today, I will praise instead of falling into a cycle of pity, despair, or jealousy.”  But I guarantee you will get better at it and it will yield you blessings.  Asking “what” instead of “why” is moving from victimhood to faith.  It opens the door for God to bring the Judah He has waiting for you into your life. 

I hope today’s message touched your heart, increased your understanding, and encouraged you.  Praying the peace and comfort of Christ Jesus on your life.