The Nobody Jesus Never Forgot

You know the hurt that is so deep and painful you feel like you can’t survive it?  Even worse is when you experience it and there is no one there to walk you through it.  Or when others are there but the shame and reality of how you are struggling keeps you from opening up to anyone.  We have all had those experiences.  It is a broken world.  There are a lot of ways people learn to cope with that.  Sometimes we unplug.  We find anything we can to numb the pain.  Sometimes we deny it was hurting us at all.  Sometimes we listen to others who tell us it wasn’t such a big deal or that we should just be able to walk away smiling because of our faith.  Sometimes we just run away from it.  The problem is pain that is never felt and walked through can never be healed.  So what do we do with those things we never got over – those broken places we try to hide from everyone else?  I can tell you what Hagar did.  She ran away.  She literally ran until she was alone and helpless in a desert.  And she ran straight into the one thing that could help her – an encounter with someone who listened.

What happened to Hagar was unfair.

Let’s look at the situation Hagar found herself in.  Genesis chapter 16 introduces us to Hagar.  She is the Egyptian slave who Sarah (then known as Sarai) gives to Abraham (then known as Abram) to produce a son.  Now, this situation is broken from the very beginning because God has literally promised Abraham 4 times that he will have a son.  And yet Sarah decides maybe God didn’t really mean it that way – maybe He meant for her slave to have a son who would then legally belong to Sarah.  She takes things into her own hands – always a recipe for disaster!  Sarah and Abraham sin by giving Hagar to Abraham to sleep with so she can have a son.  But Hagar doesn’t sin.  She has absolutely no say in what is happening.  She is a slave with no voice and no chance to get out of this arrangement.  She is a victim, pure and simple.  And what happens to her is completely unfair.  It is unfair she was born into a life of slavery.  It is unfair a man can just take her whenever he wants because his wife can’t have a baby.  It is unfair Sarah has the right to mistreat her.  Hagar is a social nobody with no rights, no voice, and no hope.  It is all unfair.  I imagine the painful situation you remember is unfair, too.  Maybe it was a death that happened too soon.  Maybe it was a divorce that was never supposed to happen.  Maybe it was someone who hurt you physically or emotionally and you couldn’t fight back or escape.  Maybe it was a total betrayal that you never saw coming.  Unfair.  Unthinkable. Unbearable.

Running away from the pain isn’t solving anything.

Hagar runs away knowing she has nowhere to run to.  There are no women’s shelters.  There are no friends with homes who can put her up.  There are no jobs for her to get to support herself.  Running away from the pain isn’t solving anything.  In fact, it is going to cause her more harm as she faces living in a desert alone with nothing.  But she just can’t bear the pain one day longer.  So she runs away.  I have been there.  I have had something hurt me so badly I feel can’t stand it one more hour.  I have tried to run away by telling myself it wasn’t really what I thought it was –  I was probably making too much out of it.  I have tried to run away by burying the pain in a whirlwind of busyness and distraction.  I have run away by telling myself if I were a stronger, more faith-filled person, I would just shrug this off and move on.  And I ended up in a desert, too.  I ended up in a desert of depression, anxiety, and loneliness.  Pain that is not walked through can never get healed.  It festers into the very things I was experiencing.

Jesus was present with her and listened to her.

I imagine that is where Hagar was at, too.  Alone.  Afraid.  Depressed.  Then she encountered an angel of the Lord.  I love this encounter she had because this was no normal angel.  This, by most scholars’ understanding, was a Christophany – an appearance by Jesus before He took on human flesh.  I love what Jesus does.  He calls her by name – he shows her she matters and He personally knows her.  Then He asks her what is going on in her life.  He didn’t have to ask her that – He already knew.  But He was inviting her to be present with Him.  He was inviting her to sit with Him and allow Him to witness her pain.  He was saying He cared about the human condition she was facing. He cared about the pain and the disappointment and the deep hurtfulness of it all.  And then He allowed her to talk.  She got to tell Him she had run away from Sarah.  I imagine she told Him a whole lot more about the situation too, even if it isn’t recorded.  And Jesus sat and listened.  He didn’t judge her because she had had a very human reaction of gloating over Sarah a little bit.  He didn’t think less of her because she was a slave forced to sleep with a man to have a baby for someone else.  He was just present with her and He listened. 

She has to revisit her bad situation for a little while.

How do we know He listened?  Because He told her He did.  And He told the rest of history, too.  He told Hagar to name her son Ishmael, which means “God hears”.  He was present with her pain and He witnessed it.  Then He asked her to do the impossible.  He asked her to go back to Sarah.  He is honest with her.  He recognizes she cannot survive to have her child alone in the desert.  She has no other options.  He sends her back to the painful situation until she and her son can get strong enough to escape for good.  He isn’t going to leave her there, but she has to revisit it for a little while. He doesn’t let her go back without soothing her fears.  He promises her that not only would she and her son survive it, but her son would get much the same promise as Abraham.  Her son would have countless descendants too, although not the line of the Messiah. He blesses the “nothing” slave girl with as many descendants as the later legitimate son will have.  He sees who she is and what her heart is and He blesses her.  She responds by calling Him the God who sees because she feels how deeply He has witnessed her.

We need someone who can be with us when we go back to revisit the pain so we can heal, get stronger, and escape it forever. 

Being seen and heard are such an important part of healing pain. The idea of abiding with someone and being present with them has been on my mind lately.  A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about Job and his friends.  His friends could have provided so much healing and help. I have learned healing from deep hurts is much like the journey of Hagar, too.  We need someone who will come beside us.  We need someone who will hear us and see us without judgment and without shame.  We need someone who can be with us when we go back to revisit the pain so we can heal, get stronger, and escape it forever.  I got to have that experience recently.  I have some deep emotions I just don’t show anyone.  But I needed to get them out.  I was blessed to sit with someone who just listened, saw my pain and acknowledged it, agreed with the unfairness of it all, and never judged me or treated me as broken.  In the safety of that caring presence, I could revisit the pain in a way which would allow me to heal instead of run.  It was a sacred experience of one person coming alongside and standing by another.  It was a model of what Jesus waits for us to allow Him to do, too – just like He did for Hagar.  And while those who come alongside can’t always remain, Jesus never left Hagar.  Every time she called her son by name, she was reminded that Jesus hears and Jesus sees.

Our presence with others testifies of the presence of Jesus.

The ultimate cure for pain always has been and always will be Jesus.  But sometimes we have to have someone model what sharing our pain with Jesus looks like and feels like.  And the story of Hagar made me realize how little that happens in our world.  We all tend to get wrapped up in our own little sphere.  I know I do.  I am not the best at being present with others.  We are all human and we all have busy lives.  We also like to help and give advice rather than just listen and stand beside.  But it reminded me again of how important just being present is.  What would it be like if we could just be present and witness the next time someone comes to us hurting?  What if we kept the unsolicited advice to ourselves and just heard them and saw them?  What if we kept our opinions out of their brokenness and allowed them to feel what “no judgment” is like?  Think of the pain that would begin to heal!  Think of the testimony of the love of Jesus that could be shared!  Our presence with others testifies of the presence of Jesus. It opened my eyes to how often I overlook the pain of others in a rush to get everything done.  It made me resolve to be a little more “angel of the Lord” with the next Hagar who comes to me in pain.

If we can practice the art of gentle, caring presence the way Jesus models, we can make a difference.

We are not Jesus and we are not going to cure everyone of everything horrible that has happened to them.  But maybe – just maybe – if we can practice the art of gentle, caring presence the way Jesus models with so many women of the Bible, we can make a difference.  Maybe we can start to teach those who are so broken that they have shut their hearts off from everyone, perhaps it could be safe to begin to trust again.  Maybe we can show those who feel so much shame and self-hatred over things they did not cause that it is possible to find others who will not judge them.  Maybe we will get someone to have the courage to take the first step on a journey of healing.  I pray we have those opportunities this week – and that we have the grace and love to take them.

I hope today’s message touched your heart, increased your understanding, and encouraged you.  Praying the peace and comfort of Christ Jesus on your life.