When Others Make You Doubt God’s Love

How many of you have ever been told to take John 3:16 and insert your name into it?  Something like this:  For God so loved you, Janis, that He sent His only begotten Son that when you believe in Him, Janis, you shall not perish but have everlasting life.   I am completely, whole-heartedly in agreement that by believing in Jesus and all that He is and all that He did, I will have eternal life with Him.  That’s not the hard part.  The hard part is that God so loved ME that He would send Jesus to die for me, even if I was the only sinner in the world.  I mean, I can accept that God would love the whole world so much that He would send Jesus to die.  I always just saw myself as grandfathered in, sliding in on the coattails of God’s love for everyone else.  I was getting in through the loophole of the legal agreement that justified my sins through Jesus.  I still struggle to accept that God would have written up that legal agreement even if I was the only one who benefitted from it.  Do you ever have those feelings, too?

Why is it so hard to accept that God loves us fiercely, entirely, and unconditionally?

Why is it so hard to accept that God loves us more than in some vague, blanket sort of way – you know:  just because He made us, like we were some painting that He felt pretty pleased with, but never really thought much about after He hung it on the wall?  Why is it so hard to accept that God loves us fiercely, entirely, unconditionally, and in a way that would make all those Hallmark movies pale in comparison?  I struggle with that question.  The answer that I come up with is that I have had words that tell me “You are not enough – you are broken and worthless” spoken over me too many times by the broken people in this broken world.  Those voices can so easily drown out the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit that constantly whispers, “But God loves you and you are fearfully and wonderfully made by Him.”  I know I am not alone in this.  There is even popular vocabulary around it: cancelling.  We have all been cancelled by someone we loved and trusted.  The question is, why are those voices so loud in our heads and hearts?  I think it is because we can actually hear the words out loud.  We can actually see the looks of disdain and hatred and mocking.  We can feel the physical distance when someone walks away from us.  It is real and concrete and tangible.  We don’t have to have faith in what other people do and say – it is all laid out in front of us.  It takes faith to hear and see how God feels about us.

Sometimes I need those nail-scarred hands to wrap around me and give me a hug.

Sometimes I just need to hear God say it.  Sometimes I need to see Jesus with love on His face.  Sometimes I need those nail-scarred hands to wrap around me and give me a hug.  I needed that more than usual recently.  I had had a couple of rough and rejecting moments.  The voices were screaming that I was not enough.  They were shouting at me that I was broken, unlovable, worthless. My head knew that none of that was true, but my heart was shattered once again.  In those moments I turn to God in tear-stained, desperate, disorganized, and broken prayer.  He has never yet been offended when I do that.  He always brings relief.  But this time, I needed something more.  I needed to hear His voice. 

I was directed to Isaiah 41.

I turned to His word.  I couldn’t think what passage I wanted to read so I googled “Verses about how God loves me” and was directed to Isaiah 41, starting in verse 8.  God’s Spirit whispered to me that I needed to try inserting my name in this one, just like I had tried with John 3:16 in the past.  I got doubtful about that for a minute.  I mean, it is important to remember the context of Scripture and remember to whom and when it was written.  And this was obviously Isaiah talking to the physical nation of Israel.  But again, that little voice told me, “You are Israel – you are adopted into God’s chosen people by your belief and faith in Jesus.”  So I tried it, and as I did, every hurt and concern and doubt I was feeling was comforted and peace filled my heart.  It read something like this:

“‘I myself will help you,’ Declares the Lord”

Isaiah 41:8-14 (names changed to personalize it):  “But you, Janis, my servant, Janis, whom I have chosen, you (spiritual) descendant of Abraham my friend, I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I have called you.  I said, ‘You are my servant’; I have chosen you and not rejected you.  So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you, Janis, with my righteous right hand.  All who rage against you, Janis, will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish.  Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them.  Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all.  For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, ‘Do not fear, Janis; I will help you.  Do not be afraid, (even if others regard you as a worm), little Janis, do not fear, for I myself will help you,’ declares the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.”

He knows how our hearts cry out for justice and vindication.

How can that not help but heal that broken heart caused by the words and actions of others?  You can’t lose when an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-seeing God feels like that about you!  He says He has not rejected us, even if everyone else does.  He knows we are hurt and afraid and dismayed. He is going to hold us in His right hand and protect us and love us – always!  He knows how we wish there could be justice in the world when these people hurt us.  He knows how we wish they could see what they do to us and that they would feel ashamed and guilty.  So He assures us that those who go around hurting others will have a price to pay, even though we aren’t the ones who get to make them pay, nor are there any guarantees that we will ever even see them be ashamed and sorrowful for what they did to us.  It is not our place to judge and sentence them – that is God’s job.  But He still knows how our hearts cry out for justice and vindication and He tells us, “Don’t worry – I’ve got this and some day they will feel that shame and guilt.” 

God does not promise us they will come back and apologize.

It’s hard – I know.  We want them to come crawling back to us, sincerely saying they are sorry.  It would heal so many wounds.  It would turn the “unworthy” into “worthy”.  It would finally make us valuable in their eyes.  It would feel SO good.  But God doesn’t promise us that.  He just promises us that He is a God of justice and He will repay. (Romans 12:19) 

Forgive them – don’t keep feeding them.

So what do we do?  I know you are going to cringe when I say this because I do, but we are going to forgive.  Wow – that word is so hard.  But let’s never forget what forgiveness really means.  It never, ever means that what they did to us and what they said to us was okay.  It wasn’t – and God just told us He knows that, and He will take care of it.  Forgiveness means we give up the right to seek revenge.  Forgiveness means we give up on trying to make them see the error of their ways and trying to get them to value us.  We give up on trying to change them.  We turn our eyes to God and we get our value from Him and we leave them to work out their own problems with Him.  I know it sounds easy and it is so, so hard to actually do.  But I also know it is the only way to peace.  Anger and hurt and rejection only hurt you.  They do not hurt the other person.  In fact, I suspect that for many of the people who treat you badly in your life, those negative emotions actually feed them.  That is why they hurt you in the first place – it makes them feel better about their own broken existence.  So don’t feed them anymore.  Feed yourself with the words and promises of God first, and then with the love of people who truly value you and never intentionally hurt you. 

Pray for God to change their hearts and action.

And finally, you are going to pray for them.  Man, that is even harder than forgiveness.  But I can also assure you that once you learn how to pray for these types of people, it is the most freeing thing you can ever do for yourself.  Because you are not going to pray for them to come back to you or to apologize to you or anything else connected with getting your value back from them.  You are going to turn them forever and completely over to God.  The Bible tells us to pray for our enemies.  Besides the fact that Jesus commands it (Matthew 5:44-45), it has an effect on the other person.  It is the ultimate kindness, and Proverbs tells us to be kind to our enemies because in doing so, you pile burning coals upon their head (Proverbs 25:21-22). I admit to enjoying the visual of burning coals being heaped on some of the heads that have deeply hurt me.  But let’s look at what it means.  It was an ancient Egyptian custom that if someone felt guilty and remorseful for something they had done, they would walk around in public with a tray of burning coals on their heads.  That is most likely what this verse is referring to.  When you pray for your enemies, you are praying that they will be convicted of what they are doing wrong that is hurting you and other people.  You are praying that they will feel a burning guilt and conviction so that they also will turn to God and change.  You are praying that they will be open to God changing their hearts and actions to conform with God’s will, which is never for us to go around hurting each other.  And what a perfect solution that would be if they turn to God.  They don’t hurt you anymore, AND they don’t hurt anyone else.  You are not held responsible for judging and condemning anyone, and they escape the eternal fires of Hell and become more like Jesus.  It is a win-win.  And yes, they still feel the guilt and pain and remorse for what they have done, just like God promised.  So by all means pray for them.  Pray for them to be convicted of what they are doing so that no one else will be hurt.  Pray for them to feel the guilt and shame of their sins so that they can accept Jesus and be permanently and completely changed.  And pray to give it to God and not have to ever take that burden back.  Then turn to God and focus on Him.

Releasing the hurt and the people who caused it to God opens us up to feel His love.

Ironically, it is this releasing of hurt and the people who caused it to God that opens us up to feel His love.  You will get your value from God.  You will feel His love because you will finally be focusing on Him instead of focusing on other people.  And hopefully, you will be helping redeem someone from Hell and the devil’s clutches, because ultimately the devil is who we are fighting against – not each other.  It is always a victory when someone sees their sin and repents by turning to Jesus, robbing the devil of one soul in Hell and adding one name to the Lamb’s Book of Life.  And it is a victory to know that we have a God who personally sees us, hears us, carries us, and protects us, no matter what value the world tries to take away from who we are.  I pray for you peace, healing, and a strong conviction of the overwhelming love of God for you individually.

I hope today’s message touched your heart, increased your understanding, and encouraged you.  Praying the peace and comfort of Christ Jesus on your life.