This Old House Through a New Lens

It amazes me that only in the process of moving did I start to really appreciate the home that I used to have.  Suddenly, as I started to get used to my new apartment, wonderful features of my old home came sharply into focus.  The convenience of having lights in my closets.  The fast and abundant hot water that came from having two water heaters.  The slide-out pan drawer that had a hanger for every pan and a slot for every lid, all tucked away behind a cabinet door.  The pan drawer I had already appreciated, but the other two conveniences?  They never crossed my mind. 

I was weighed down by all the imperfections.

I wondered why I had never noticed them.  I mean, I noticed so many annoying and imperfect things about the house.  The cracks in the plaster that I was constantly repairing.  The high electrical bill from having radiant ceiling heat.  The little signs of damage and age and outdatedness that every older home has.  I could take you on a walk-through of that house and tell you everything that was wrong, in great detail.  It isn’t that there weren’t also things that I enjoyed about the house.  I loved the fireplace and the huge wall of windows in my living room.  I miss the real hardwood floors and the massive laundry room with built-in hampers.  But all my life, I was weighed down by all the imperfections – the things that weren’t exactly right and needed to be changed or repaired.  I kept looking forward to the day when everything would be just so – when it would finally all be finished and acceptable.  It was a constant source of stress and discontent for me.

The way I thought about my house and the way I think about myself are exactly the same.

As I thought about that, it hit me that the way I thought about my house and the way I think about myself are exactly the same.  I think it is something that many of us struggle with.  I keep expecting some day to have it all figured out.  I keep waiting for the day when I learn to be perfect.  I keep stressing about how far I am from that goal.  And in the midst of that process, I can clearly see every single thing about myself that I need to change to get there.  My weight – my hair – my insecurity in meeting new people – my sometimes weird sense of humor.  It is a constant source of stress and discontent. 

I was so fed up with everything wrong.

Like my house, it isn’t that I hate everything about myself.  There are things I like:  my lack of fear in trying new things, my love of adventure, my ability to speak in front of people without lots of anxiety.  It’s just that the imperfections take up so much more real estate in my mind and emotions.  It reminds me of just before I moved – I was so fed up with everything wrong with my house and the work it took to maintain it, that I couldn’t wait to leave it behind me.  I feel that way about myself – I can’t wait until I finally develop that new and better and lower maintenance version of myself so I can leave my old self behind.

What is good in me was built in purposefully by God

As I thought about these new revelations about how good my house actually was, it made me stop and question how I see myself.  I wonder what amazing features God built into me that I am blind to because I take them for granted or because I am too focused on the negative.  What closet lights and second water heaters lie undiscovered in me because I invest too much time worrying about what I don’t have?  How would my life be different if I focused on the great features that God already built in me?  Not in an attitude of arrogance, like I am all that and a bag of chips.  Instead in an attitude of gratitude, knowing that what is good in me was built in purposefully by God when I was still in the womb.

He gave you to be amazing things in this world. 

The verse that come to mind is Psalm 139:14:  “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”  We are all wonderfully made.  Yes, there is brokenness that comes from our sin nature and the fallen world.  But when we are made, we are a wonder.  We are a unique, one-of-a-kind, limited edition work of art created atom by atom by God.  Wow!  He built all sorts of custom cabinetry into us.  Ephesians 4:11 tells us some of the things He builds into people:  “And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers.”  And I would add that He gave some to be mothers and housekeepers and writers and encouragers and organizers and even some to be possessors of weird senses of humor.  He gave you to be amazing things in this world. 

Fearing God means to remember that He is high and lifted up, way above us, and that we are not and will never be Him.

But what about the fearfully made part?  Isn’t that an odd word for David to use?  As I researched this word, biblical scholars seem to take the interpretation of fear to mean “awe” in this instance.  And I believe that is valid.  But really, the word here means plain, old fear.  What is going on with that?  I think it is important that in all things, we do keep a healthy fear of God.  In fact, He is the only one we should fear.  He is the One above all.  He is the one who gives and takes away.  He is the One who has the right to judge.  He is the only reason we have all the wonderfulness inside of us in the first place.  Fearing God means to remember that He is high and lifted up, way above us, and that we are not and will never be Him.  That is what keeps us from having an attitude of arrogance, and gives us an attitude of gratitude.  Everything is always only about Him and because of Him.

How much of what God has given me do I never take the time to recognize? 

But I also want to have some fear and reverence and awe in approaching how I view myself as God’s creation.  It goes back to realizing how much of my house I never appreciated.  How much of what God has given me do I never take the time to recognize?  I fear the thought of facing Jesus after my death, only to find out there were so many gifts and talents and opportunities that I never recognized or used to serve Him.  It won’t change the infinite love He feels for me, but it will hurt me to know that I wasted gifts He gave me.  It will hurt me to know that I wasted them because I was so focused on how I thought other people judged me and on how harshly I judged myself.  I would rather live in reverence and awe, discovering what He has given me, and using it to magnify Him. 

I have to intentionally make some of my prayer time every day be about praising and thanking God.

I can’t say that I have the magic secret for doing this.  It is definitely a skill I am going to have to get better at.  What I do know is that I have to intentionally make some of my prayer time every day be about praising and thanking God for what He has wonderfully made and given to me.  And it helps if I do that first before I get into my list of wants, needs, and heartaches.  Expressing gratitude increases the number of things we find to be grateful about.  Also, I need to intentionally focus on the love and grace of the One who really has the right to judge me, instead of on the voices inside me that judge me, and the people outside me who want to, also.  God is the perfect judge because He has a perfect love and a perfect knowledge and a perfect ownership of all that I am.  No other judges allowed. 

I am shifting my focus to serving God exactly as I am, knowing He will see it as enough.

I am also starting to pray for God to reveal not only the sin in my heart that I need to confess, but the gifts and abilities and plans He built into me so that I can more fully use them to glorify and serve Him.  I am shifting my focus from being good enough or even perfect, to serving God exactly as I am, knowing He will see it as enough.  Just like how my house, with all of its cracks and problems, kept me safe and warm, and made life easier and more beautiful.

No one expects perfection of me but me.

It isn’t about perfectionism – that is an impossible dream that does nothing but hurt me.  No one expects it of me but me.  Of all the people that came to spend time with me in my house, not a single one saw the flaws that I did.  All I ever heard was that it was a beautiful house – a warm and inviting house.  Of all the people I associate with, none of them see every single flaw in me either.  They see the good in me.  If they don’t, then they just don’t need to keep coming back into my house.   

God sees me through the lens of Jesus.

Even God doesn’t see every flaw.  Yes, He does know everything about me and He is aware of every time I fall short and every way I could do better.  But He doesn’t SEE them.  He sees me through the lens of Jesus.  Jesus already patched every crack in my plaster and renewed every old and ugly thing when He died for me on the cross. Repentance through the atoning blood of Jesus erases the cracks. So God just sees a beautiful house.  He sees the house He intended me to be with every wonderful and delightful feature He built into me.  He wants me to delight in them, too. 

He wants me to love the me He built because I am His creation.

He wants me to open my house up and invite others in – to share all that I am and all that He made me to be with others for His glory and in His grace.  And He wants me to love the me He built too – not because I am perfect or better than anyone else, but because I am His creation and He rejoices over me with gladness and exults over me with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17). If God can sing over us in gladness, maybe today we should focus on singing a little over ourselves while praising the God who made us.

I hope today’s message touched your heart, increased your understanding, and encouraged you.  Praying the peace and comfort of Christ Jesus on your life.