Approaching God When All You Have Is “Why?”

This week I am diving into a tender topic.  This broken world throws us far too many unthinkable moments.  Times when our heart breaks and we are left gasping and asking, “Why?”.  We wrestle and doubt and struggle and, more than anything, we just plain hurt!  And then we start to shame ourselves and feel like a failure because we don’t have enough faith to just “turn it over to God”, brush ourselves off, and move on.  That compounds the hurt and doubt, and the cycle begins.  And scattered throughout that cycle of despair, doubt, and shame is that word of suffering and fear:  “Why”.  

The word “Why” is the language of grieving.

We have all been there.  We have all asked, “Why would You let this happen to me?”  We have all feared and cried out, “Why have You abandoned me?”  Or even, “Why don’t You love me anymore?”  The word “Why” is the language of grieving.  And if you are like me, when you heave those questions out in the midst of tears and sobbing, you feel like you are disappointing God somehow – letting Him down because you should never feel a negative emotion if only you would have enough faith. 

If you are in pain, there is a reason.

I want to start off by saying that I am here to validate the pain you have felt.  I know you might think, “It is not as bad as what that other person is going through.”  Or you might think you are silly to feel so much over something that seems not so bad.  Or you are in one of those moments when you can’t imagine that anything worse could ever happen to anyone anywhere.  Whatever your situation, if you are in pain, there is a reason.  It is valid.  I recognize it and I want to assure you that you are normal.  Yes – what happened is wrong. Yes- it hurt.  Yes – it is unfair.  But I also want to assure you that God also says He knows you hurt and He also agrees that it was wrong and unfair.  It certainly was never what He intended for us when He created Adam and Eve in the Garden.  Turns out that “knowledge of evil” that Eve thought would make us gods just broke the whole perfect existence that God created for us.  God is not asking you to stop hurting and grieving – to just suck it all up and paste a smile on your face to prove your faith.  He is asking you to include Him in the process.

Grief, doubting, hurting, and even asking “why” can be turned into a form of worship.

I think the Bible shows us that grief, doubting, hurting, and even asking “why” can be turned into a form of worship just as much as singing praise songs and expressing prayers of gratitude.  Sometimes I think that times of hurting and grief can be our deepest moments of worship and connection. That idea seems so odd to us.  I mean, can you imagine going to church and singing songs of pain, doubt and fear while the congregation sobs, instead of the songs of hope, faith, and love where we raise our hands and smile?  That congregation would dwindle away in record time.  But yet the Bible is as full of lamentation and grief as it is full of praise.  58 of the Psalms are songs of lament – over a third of the book.  In fact, of all the categories of Psalms (thanksgiving, lament, enthronement, pilgrimage, royal, wisdom, and imprecatory), the lament Psalms are biggest group.  There were even times David said his bones were melting in grief!  And the word “Psalm” itself in the Hebrew means to praise or to shine.  Literally, it could be translated to pluck in order to bring forth light.  In other words, to play an instrument in a way that shows light.   And that applies to every Psalm – even the lamenting ones.  Lamenting can actually be a way to praise God that shows His light to us and maybe even to others.

God is not going to turn us away because we ask “why”.

Jesus Himself modeled lamenting for us.  There is the prayer in Gethsemane, where He pleaded with God to take the cup of suffering He was about to face away from Him.  He doesn’t say the word “why” here, but it is implied.  He is in essence saying, “Why do we have to do it this way?  Is there some other way?”  But on the cross, He does use the word “why”:  “My God, my God! Why have You forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46).  That is one of the most raw, agonizing, gut-wrenching moments in the Bible.  Jesus was both God and human, and this is Jesus at His most painfully human moment.  My human mind has sometimes wondered if this was such a moment of despair and suffering that, if it could have been possible, Jesus could almost have lost faith Himself!  I mean, isn’t that what I feel when I ask God where He is and why He isn’t saving me from pain?  But I don’t think that is what Jesus was modeling at all.  This was no lack of faith.  This was a profound, deep prayer of lament.  It was a groaning statement of the condition of humankind from the Fall when man was cast out of walking with God in the Garden of Eden.  It was powerful grieving turned to God in holy worship.  I say that because Jesus never said anything unintentionally.  He was a silent sufferer through unspeakable acts of torture all the way up until this point.  Even though human, He was still God.  This was no desperate slip of the tongue.  I believe this was an intentional lesson to teach us that even at our darkest, most hopeless moments, when we are beyond the limits of what we think we can bear, God is not going to turn us away because we ask “why”.  He is going to be pleased that when we desperately seek an answer to “why”, we choose to turn to Him with it.

Only when we turn our “why” upward do things get better.

Jesus was being real and honest.  God didn’t turn Him away because of it.  Jesus wasn’t ashamed of saying it.  It wasn’t wrong for Jesus to say it – Jesus was still without sin, so how could it be wrong?  And it isn’t wrong for us to say it either.  God is big enough for our “why”.  God wants us to say it to Him.  Where “why” becomes a problem is when we turn it inward or outward instead of upward.  That was the problem with Job.  He turned his “why” inward because he focused on it for so long that it became all he saw.  That can turn people into victims.  And if we turn it outward towards each other, we start fighting and hurting others, causing grief and disruption that affects our families.  Only when we turn it upward do things get better. 

“Why” upward is healing. 

We see this in the story of Rachel and Leah.  They turned their ”whys” toward each other in jealousy and competition.  All that did was cause pain and favoritism in their family.  They finally learned to turn their “whys” upward to God.  Rachel prayed to God about her pain in not having a child.  He blessed her and gave her one.  Leah finally praised God for the children He gifted her with instead of focusing all her energy on trying to win over her husband.  That was when God blessed her with the line of the Messiah through Judah. The grieving “why” inward is victimhood and depression. “Why” outward is jealousy and blame-shifting.  “Why” upward is healing. 

The only way past the pain is to walk through it.

I am not minimizing what Leah and Rachel went through.  I understand the pain and longing of never having a child.  I understand the grief of not being blessed with marriage.  I can empathize with the moment Rachel sunk into despair as she accepted that she might never be a mother.  I can also empathize with Leah at the moment she realized that she loved her husband and he would never return the feeling.  Terrible, heart-wrenching pain.  But I recognize we can either choose to feel the pain, move through it, and be honest with ourselves and God about it.  Or we can try to avoid it, and end up letting it fester, grow, and take over our lives.  The hard truth is that we are feeling the pain either way. Being honest with God heals it even though we have to trust Him through the experience of grief and fear and overwhelming agony for a while.  The only way past the pain is to walk through it.  And I recommend walking through it with God. 

Try lamenting as a form of your walk with God. 

Try lamenting as a form of your walk with God.  I don’t mean that you should live there.  It is a time to release the pain and move on, not to grab it and let it define you.  But honestly give it to God.  It is okay to ask Him why.  It is okay to say you don’t understand.  It is okay to not have the words.  One of my most powerful healing moments was when I lay on my bed one day, too overwhelmed, tired, and sad to know what to speak.  I could only cry in wordless sobs and gasps.  But God reminded me of the verse in Romans 8:26: “For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.”  Groanings were all I had, but I offered them to God.  And they became my language of worship.  With each unintelligible cry and sob, I purposefully and consciously gave a piece of my brokenness to God in a language of lamenting that I couldn’t understand.  But He could.  And in a profound way, those few minutes cleared some deeply held pain that I had been unable to release.  And rather than displeasing God, it drew me to Him in a much deeper and intimate way.  There was no shame or guilt for lack of faith.  There was no embarrassment or failure because I wasn’t able to handle this better.  There was only “real”.  There was only love and release.  There was only healing.

One day He will take away our pain forever.

I want to leave you this week with some promises.  Yes – it hurts so much.  God never said it wouldn’t.  It isn’t what He wanted for us, but it is what we brought on ourselves in the Garden of Eden.  Jesus Himself said that in this world there would be trouble (John 16:33).  It is okay to hurt and to grieve.  God expects that because He knows the state of the world we live in.  Jesus modeled that.  The Bible is full of that.  The promise is that when we hurt and grieve with God, He Himself will heal us.  Psalm 147:3 promises, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”  He Himself will uphold us.  Isaiah 41:13 promises, “For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, ‘Fear not, I am the one who helps you.’”  He Himself will catch the tears that fall from our eyes.  Psalm 56:8 promises, “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book.” And one day He will take away our pain forever through the sacrifice of Jesus.  Revelation 21:4 promises, “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain any more, for the former things have passed away.” 

He is there, waiting for you.

If you are struggling with pain that you can’t heal and that leaves you wondering why, honestly turn to God and empty out your heart to Him.  He is there, waiting for you.  He is holding out His hands to catch you and to hold whatever it is that you need to give Him.  I pray for healing and peace in the parts of your heart that are broken today.

I hope today’s message touched your heart, increased your understanding, and encouraged you.  Praying the peace and comfort of Christ Jesus on your life.