God’s Presence and a Mysterious Piece of Paper

A few years ago, as I was just beginning to really study the Bible, and starting a close walk with Jesus, I was struggling with a lot of loss and grief.  I was experiencing for the first time what it was like to be alone, both physically, and in many ways, emotionally.  It was a tough, tough time.  But our loving God draws close to us in the tough times, even if it is in ways we don’t understand.  At that time of struggle, He made His presence known by a mysterious piece of paper.

I expect God to defy explanation.

As with many encounters with God, this one came completely unexpectedly.  I was walking through my dining room when I noticed a small slip of paper in the middle of the floor.  I thought that was odd.  I sweep my floors regularly and had walked through my dining room other times during the day without seeing anything.  Yet there was this strange piece of paper.  I picked it up and was even more startled to realize that it had a scripture verse on it.  How on earth had a scripture verse ended up in the middle of my dining room floor?  My science-trained mind kicked in, looking for a reasonable explanation.  I thought of the scripture wall hanging I had ordered, thinking it might have fallen out of the package somehow, but that had been weeks before.  I reviewed in my mind what mail I had received and opened lately, or if I had had any company recently that might have dropped it.  All the mail I had received was of the bill variety, and we all know those wouldn’t include Scripture!  And no one had visited for several days.  I could find absolutely no explanation whatsoever.  I look back now and chuckle at how much that bothered me and maybe even frightened me a little at the time.  Now that I know God better, I expect Him to defy explanation.  After all, that is part of what makes Him so wonderful – He is so much above our understanding. 

Are You telling me You are going to take EVERYTHING away from me?

I looked at the piece of paper again and read the verse.  It was not even one of the common “life verses” that people put up on their walls or get sent to them in daily emails.  That made it seem stranger.  The verse sitting on my dining room floor was Psalm 73:25:  “Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.”  In retrospect, that verse should have been immediately understandable, considering that I was facing a time of loss, loneliness, and letting go of a life that no longer existed.  Not to me in that moment though – I remember being confused and even scared.  I had no idea what the verse meant or what God was trying to tell me.  The thought that ran through my head was, “Are You telling me You are going to take EVERYTHING away from me?”  I didn’t want to believe that.  I thought there was no way God would do that to me.  I believed there was no way I could stand it if He did.  I saw it as a dire prediction of the days to come, and, ironically, it did describe many parts of my life for a while after that.  But it was anything but dire.  It was God saying He knew what was on the road ahead and He would be the One who would never desert or disappoint me.

It is only when we let go of the things that we have placed above God that we can truly turn to God.

Life changed a lot for me after that.  I had been in the role of caregiver for so long that I had effectively lost who I was.  I had let friendships drift away.  I had not fostered other family relationships.  I lost track of my goals and interests and dreams.  Anyone who has provided full-time care for someone for any period of time can relate to how easy it is for that to become your identity.  When death brought an end to that role, I had no idea what to do.  I felt emptied out.  Yet emptying out is often a crucial part of developing a relationship with God.  It is only when we let go of the things that we have placed above God that we can truly turn to God.  Even Jesus had to go through an emptying out.  In a process called kenosis, Jesus emptied Himself of His heavenly exaltation to take on flesh and become fully human as a sacrifice for us.  But Jesus voluntarily emptied Himself out to save us.  I was being emptied out completely against my will, and God was allowing it to bring me closer to Him. 

No matter what else changes or even disappears from our lives, God is always there for us, both in heaven and on earth.

As the days and months went by, I saw friendships develop, only to fade away.  I set aside my long-time career in a leap of faith to finish seminary and start a life of ministry.  I lost more than one of the pets who were my daily companions.  I had started attending a new church where I knew only a couple of people.  I lost my interest in things I always dreamt of doing.  Thankfully, good things happened, too – like strengthening family relationships that I had neglected for too long.  The entire look and feel of my life changed in the period of about 3 years.  It wasn’t an easy process.  Many times, I sat in a broken flood of tears, wondering if life would ever be okay again.  The only constant through that entire time was my walk with God – and that little piece of paper I found on the floor.  It had taken up a permanent home on the mirror of my bedroom dresser.  I had soon come to recognize it as a saying of hope – a reminder that no matter what else changes or even disappears from our lives, God is always there for us, both in heaven and on earth.  I cannot tell you how many times I looked at that verse throughout those years.  That little rectangle of paper became more valuable to me than gold. 

As I put God in His rightful place, He began to fill my life up again with what I needed.

As much as I hated that long, painful walk, I can look back on it now as my most blessed time.  I lost a lot of who I thought I was, who I dreamt I would become, and what I thought mattered in my life.  But I am finding who God says I am, who I truly want to become, and people and things in my life that truly matter.  Most of all, I discovered what it meant to place God in His rightful position of being the one thing that matters most of all.  Because, truly, He does.  Everything in this life is fleeting.  Friendships will end.  People will die.  Dreams will dissolve.  Health fails, banks fail, and we fail.  But God does not.  He is eternal, ever-present, and ever giving us what we need to make it through.  As I put God in His rightful place, He began to fill my life up again with what I needed.  He gave me a counsellor to walk me through the grief and self-discovery.  He gave me good, good friends to love and walk with me.  He gave me family relationships that grow closer every day.  He gave me church families. He gave me a new direction and calling on my life, new activities, and new dreams.  And He gave me a reminder that when any of those things fail, through death or any other reason, He is still what I have in heaven and on earth.

My mysterious and ever-present verse had just shown up mysteriously on another piece of paper.

God gave me a lot with a mysterious little piece of paper on my dining room floor.  But, in a surprising, beautiful, and overwhelmingly humbling way, God used that little piece of paper once again this last Sunday.  I had been asked to talk in worship service for a few minutes about what was on my heart and what God was doing in my life.  I had been thinking about what I wanted to share and what direction God wanted me to go with that for a couple of weeks.  The week leading up to my talk was a hard one.  By the time Sunday rolled around, I felt like I had no heart to share.  I was tired and emotionally worn out.  But I knew I had to be faithful and do the best I could.  As I walked in the door and picked up the program for the worship service, I felt an electric shock go through me.  My pastor had been preaching through Psalms for a few weeks.  He didn’t cover every psalm – just picked out some here and there as he was led each week.  You guessed it – this week’s psalm was Psalm 73!  The very one that my mysterious piece of paper’s verse came from.  Not only that, but the verse he chose to put on the cover of the program was Psalm 73:25-26.  My mysterious and ever-present verse had just shown up mysteriously on another piece of paper, on the week I was asked to talk to my church congregation about what God was doing in my life.  Who else can orchestrate something like that besides the eternal, sovereign, all-powerful, and all-loving God of creation?  My heart practically exploded in gratitude, humility, and love for my Lord.  You can bet that when I got up to speak, I had a heart for it again!

It was always God telling me He is there holding me up, healing me, and loving me, forever. 

After I got home and had more of a chance to look at the program, I shook my head in wonder, disbelief, and a little bit of laughter.  I realized I had never thought about my verse in the context of the psalm around it.  As I read the verse that follows the one I have on my dresser, I was amazed how the message of that verse, that took me so long to figure out, was there right in front of me in the next verse of the psalm.  Psalm 73:26 says, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and portion forever.”  It was never a dire prediction like I feared in the beginning.  It was always, always God telling me He is there holding me up, healing me, and loving me, forever.  And today, as I post this message, I see another verse in this psalm that speaks to me, too.  Psalm 73:28 says, “But as for me, it is good to be near God.  I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge.  I will tell of all of your deeds.”  Yes, Asaph the psalm writer, you are so right.  It is very good to be near God.  God is our only steadfast and immovable refuge.  And I am so thankful that God has given me a way to share His deeds in my life – even if it is just telling all of you about a mysterious little slip of paper on my dining room floor.

I hope today’s message touched your heart, increased your understanding, and encouraged you.  Praying the peace and comfort of Christ Jesus on your life.