Into What Family Is God Placing You?

I love camping.  I love the outdoors and everything to do with it:  the pine forests, the river, the campfire, eating outside, my RV.  It is a time of deep relaxation and peace away from all the noise, worry, and chaos that is too often daily living.  Yet it is also a time of some sadness and loneliness for me personally.  I now camp alone in the same place where I spent so many years enjoying this time with family.  The memories of those who are no longer here fill that place, making me smile and grieve all at the same time.  There is a place of loneliness that is hard to fill when you are without the people with whom you are used to spending daily life.  And yet I know I am not alone, and I would not feel the closeness and ever-presence of God in the same way as I do right now if I didn’t get to have this time by myself with Him. 

Every word promises me that He is there through it all. 

Maybe that is why Psalm 68:4-6 hit me so hard on my last camping trip.  It reads, “Sing to God, sing in praise of his name, extol him who rides on the clouds; rejoice before him – his name is the LORD.  A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.  God sets the lonely in families, he leads out prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.”  It is so me in this stage of my life:  parentless, not widowed but single, without any family in the immediate area.  Every word promises me that He is there through it all.  And, alone in that campground, surrounded by so many glories of His creation, I could feel Him and relish it. 

We are all me, even if our circumstances are different.

I was not feeling sorry for myself – far from it.  I was recognizing that we are all me, even if our circumstances are different.  Some of you are married with large families, and yet there are times that you are so lost in caring for everyone else that you have lost touch with yourself.  You become unseen and unheard in the midst of a group of people because you have set yourself aside.  You are lonely.  Some of you have your parents still, and children, but have suffered through the end of a marriage that you thought would last a lifetime.  You miss the hope-filled young woman you were when you first were filled with love and dreams.    You wonder if you can ever trust yourself to love again.  You are lonely.  Some of you are going through the heartache of seeing children rebel, make poor life choices, or even alienate themselves from you.  You remember the days when they were young and you were their everything.  You wonder if they even think of those times.  You are lonely.  Some of you are caring for a spouse or parent whose health and memory are failing.  The voice and features are the same, but the person you used to know has disappeared.  You keep looking for them in this new person who has taken over their body, but the person you know seldom returns.  You are grieving the loss of a person who is still living beside you day by day.  You are lonely.

Feeling lonely is an epidemic.

So many ways of experiencing the exact same feeling.  But if there is any comfort in that, it is that you are not alone in feeling lonely.  It is an epidemic.  Especially since Covid, more people are reporting feeling disconnected, unsupported, and depressed.  The technology that rules our lives often makes the situation worse, even as it makes us more aware of each other’s lives.  People connect over Facebook, and yet social media has been shown to increase feelings of depression and dissatisfaction.  Texting is easy and can instantly get your message to another person, even if they are not available to talk in that moment.  But there is no soothing voice, shared laughter, or real emotion beyond a few emojis sprinkled in.  We are more and more connected without having any deep connection.  It makes the loneliness grow.

Treat your relationship with God like it is the most important one. 

What answer does Psalm 68 give us?  First and most obviously, we need to have our primary relationship be with God.  In these verses alone, God offers to be our father, our defender, our family, and our freedom.  We are nurtured, protected, supported, and unburdened when we are in relationship with Him.  Yet so often, we don’t experience this.  Why is that?  What I have learned is that the problem was never God – it was me.  I didn’t put in the commitment to having a relationship with Him.  I didn’t talk to Him enough.  I didn’t learn about Him enough.  I didn’t lean on Him enough.  And, like I enjoy when I am camping, I didn’t get alone with Him enough.  Treat your relationship with Him like it is the most important one.  That means you focus on it.  Talk, listen, trust, be vulnerable, and carve out time for togetherness.  Is it hard to make that time?  You bet – but the people who fill up your days will actually be better for it because you will be better for it – mentally, spiritually, and physically.

The healthier your relationships with God and your own self are, the healthier, deeper, and more abundant the relationships with others will be.

The time I spend alone with God is a great cure for loneliness.  It gives me a chance to reflect on Him.  It gives me a chance to connect with myself.  And it gives me a chance to offer up myself to Him for help, healing, and guidance.  That healing time alone prepares me for the other part of what Psalm 68 discusses – relationship with others.  It says that God will set you in families.  He gives you the support you need, whether it comes from people who live with you or from others.  The healthier your relationships with God and your own self are, the healthier, deeper, and more abundant the relationships with others will be.

God knew we would not be okay if left in our loneliness.

We are told by God to be there for each other.  The two great commandments are to love God and to love each other.  Loving God seems like it ought to be enough, but it isn’t.  God knew we would not be okay if left in our loneliness.  We need the support of loving others.  We need to be the loving support to others as well. 

If God is a cure for loneliness, the second half of that cure is to have God-driven connections with each other. 

I need to do a better job of supporting others well.  We all do.  If God is a cure for loneliness, the second half of that cure is to have God-driven connections with each other.  I have written about this often because it is so on my heart.  We are a self-protective, exclusive, isolated species too often.  I don’t believe we do this intentionally.  It is just how we function.  We get a little group and they are comfortable, so we don’t think about reaching out to others who may not have a group.  We have our routines and they seem to work for us, and we struggle with having to add something new in our schedule that involves others.  We have our coping mechanisms, like Facebook, or food, or TV, and they are an easy way to tune out for a while.  We don’t want to take time away from that to reach out.  I do it, too.

God wants to put all the lonely into families.

I also struggle with the other side of it.  I do not have a group of people who share my living space and my routines and my holidays with me.  I have to rely on others to reach outside of their own inner circle to let me in once in a while.  I am fortunate that I have some people who will do that with me.  They bless my life.  I hope I bless theirs as well.  But my heart turns to those who may not have that blessing.  God wants to put all the lonely into families.  How many people out there need a family today, even if it seems like they are surrounded by people?  And what makes a family of God that can truly heal the loneliness?

We are lonely because we do not feel seen or heard or known.

I believe that the answer to the problem of loneliness is not even spending vast amounts of time with others – it is in making the time you spend with others count.  Oh sure, there are times when just getting that invitation is important to me – holidays, birthdays, life events.  But in the day-to-day, the cure for loneliness can be found in abiding well together.  We are lonely because we do not feel seen or heard or known.  We need to be focused and intentional with each other.

Those are the moments when loneliness disappears.

I attended a writer’s conference recently.  As I watched the ladies interact, I was fascinated.  Some would just talk at each other, promoting their Instagram accounts or bragging about how many times they got published.  Those are the types of conversations that breed loneliness – the ones where lots of words get said and nothing penetrates into the heart.  Then there were the other conversations – the ones where someone took a breath and spoke something real about themselves.  It could be just as simple as, “I really don’t feel like I belong here – everyone else has done so much more than me.”  And the listener would stop scanning the room, thinking about what they needed to do next, and put the phone down long enough to lock eyes and say, “Me, too!”  We need more conversations where we lock eyes, share truth, and realize that we all struggle with the same things, and all celebrate the same things, too.  Those are the moments when loneliness disappears.

I am most thankful for people in my life who are willing to sit with me, look me in the eyes, and just bear witness to who I am inside. 

I know this from experience.  I often get invited to events and gatherings, and I am thankful.  They are fun and noisy and distracting.  But they do not always create a family.  Sometimes I feel more like an outsider intruding into someone else’s family time.  I am more thankful for people in my life who are willing to sit with me, look me in the eyes, and just bear witness to who I am inside.  They don’t talk over me or one-up me.  They don’t give me advice.  They don’t try to change or fix me.  They just listen and then let me know they have seen me and heard me and still value my presence in their lives.  Then they show me who they are inside and allow me to be a witness of them.  Most importantly, they make time to do this consistently, in person, even if the time together has to be more limited.  And when they invite me to a family gathering, they make sure that I am just as much a part of the conversation and activity as their relatives are.

What if we could provide the safe and loving family for God to put just one lonely person into?

My heart goes out to the lonely – whatever their situation.  As Christians, our hearts should be turned to the fatherless, widowed, and family-less.  What would our world be like if we modeled what God does?  What if we were to invite each other more into our homes and hearts, like God invites us into His presence?  What if we really saw, heard, and loved each other well, as God sees, hears, and loves us?  What if we could provide the safe and loving family for God to put just one lonely person into? And what if we found that it ended up curing a little piece of our loneliness, too?

I hope today’s message touched your heart, increased your understanding, and encouraged you.  Praying the peace and comfort of Christ Jesus on your life.