The Healing Power of the Weeping of Jesus

I was just reading the account in John 11 about the death of Lazarus.  This section of scripture contains the shortest verse of the Bible: “Jesus wept.” (John 11:35).  Yet, it is in this verse that I have found comfort again and again.  It is also one of the more mystifying verses in many ways.  Jesus knew that Lazarus was just moments away from living again.  Jesus knew that the grief was about to end.  Jesus had even intentionally delayed arriving there to make sure Lazarus was good and dead so that the miracle of raising him would be indisputable.  So why on earth was He weeping?  The answer shows us the beauty of the heart of God and of His knowledge of our hurting human hearts.  It was compassion, healing, and a model of how we are to help each other, all rolled up in 2 little words.

When I am hurting, there are many ways my friends and loved ones can support me.

When I am hurting, there are many ways my friends and loved ones can support me.  Some are fixers.  They want to jump in and solve the problem and make everything okay.  Some are huggers.  They want to wrap their arms around me and love me into not feeling bad anymore.  Some are servers.  They bring me food or offer to help me with some task.  Those are all beautiful displays of concern and I appreciate the hearts behind them.  But sometimes, those are not the responses that are the most meaningful to my hurting heart.  Sometimes, they need to do what Jesus did for His mourning and hurting friends.

God’s compassion and love know no limitations or boundaries.

If we look at verse 33, we get some insight into why Jesus was weeping.  It reads, “When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.”  The “her” in the verse is Mary, the sister of Lazarus.  This is also the Mary that will later sit at His feet, anoint them with oil, and dry them with her hair, while Martha was slaving away in the kitchen.  These are close, personal friends of Jesus.  You can understand why he would have some sympathy for her pain.  But notice that the verse was not just talking about her.  It also mentioned that He noticed the weeping of all the mourners that were there with Mary.  This shows the depth of the compassion and empathy of the heart of God.  Those people in the crowd were most likely not His close, personal friends.  Some He might not have even known socially.  But Jesus is God.  Even if His human part hadn’t spent much time with the crowd, His God part knew and loved and grieved with every single one of them.  He was weeping for Mary and Martha for sure, but He was also weeping for every person in that crowd.  God’s compassion and love know no limitations or boundaries.

That doesn’t totally explain why He was weeping.

But still that doesn’t totally explain why He was weeping.  I mean, He could have immediately said, “Hey, don’t worry – I’m about to bring Lazarus back.  Dry those tears.”  No – He didn’t say a word about what He was about to do.  Instead in verse 34, He said, “Where have you laid him?”.  And then He spent some time weeping with them.  Only after that did He go to the tomb.  Yet still no word about what He was about to do, even knowing that the crowd around Him, in verse 37, was asking why Jesus hadn’t saved Lazarus before he died. 

He holds our faith for us as He works, even when we have no faith left to give Him.

Jesus knew they were questioning Him and His motives.  He knew that the questioning and the hurt and the accusations came from a place of great pain, loss, and grief.  In verse 38, it says He was once again deeply moved.  But still, He didn’t tell them what He is going to do.  He just told them to roll away the stone.  He proceeded with His plan, even as He knew and sympathized with the pain and doubt all around Him.  He proceeded in faith for the work the Father would do even when those who so desperately wanted help had no faith left.  He did that because that is what God does.  He holds our faith for us as He works, even when we have no faith left to give Him.

What are we to learn about the nature of God from this?

But it still leaves me wondering.  Why would He prolong their pain?  Why did He pause to weep with them before He took away the reason for their weeping?  What are we to learn about the nature of God from this?  I believe Jesus was taking a minute to build a deeper heart connection between Himself, Mary, and the rest of the crowd.  He was building a sense of trust and safety into His relationship with them.  And He was modeling to them how they were to act with each other in hard times to become friends that are trustworthy and safe.

There is something deep and healing about the kind of friend who will sit with you silently while you feel your pain. 

It goes back to an idea I have written about before: presence.  There is something deep and healing about the kind of friend who will sit with you silently while you feel your pain.  They observe and empathize without trying to fix or minimize or distract.  They are like Job’s friends in the first 7 days of Job’s trials – sitting silently with him on the ash heap.  They are what Jesus tried to get His closest disciples to do in the Garden of Gethsemane –to just stay awake and sit with Him as He prayed in agony.  The most connected healing moments are when a friend hears your pain, looks you in the eye, and silently sheds some tears along with you.  It is in those moments that two hearts connect, because it is then that you know they, like Jesus, are deeply moved for you. That their concern comes from a deep love and not just a momentary desire to help.  Those are the moments that build trust and safety.

I am so, so thankful and I know they care.

While moving is nothing like the death of a loved one, it stirs up feelings of grief, stress, loss, and fear.  In some ways, it is very similar.  As I get ready to leave the house I have lived in all my life, I feel deeply the loss of my loved ones again. I also feel grief at leaving my home, the places here that I love, and the friends that have filled my days with joy.   I am fortunate to have friends who are willing to help me with all of the physical work.  They have been a blessing as they have helped me repair and clean up my house for showing.  They will be there when I need to pack the boxes and get them ready to ship.  They will give me hugs and love as I get ready to drive away.  I am so, so thankful and I know they care – I am not taking anything away from that. 

Sometimes, I want something different. 

But sometimes, I want something different.  Sometimes it isn’t about the physical work or the distractions or even the hugs.  Sometimes, I just want someone to come in, sit down, and witness my tears as I get rid of a lifetime of items, each with memories attached, that I can’t take with me.  Without fixing, giving advice, or bringing me something.  Just being deeply moved and weeping with me silently for a moment.  Those are the moments with those friends I am most thankful for.  That act – the weeping together – is the moment when my pain is shared and lessened.  It is the moment when my grief is healed just a little because someone else has borne part of it for me.  It is the reason, I believe, that Jesus wept.

The crowd recognized Jesus’ heart immediately because of His weeping. 

The crowd recognized Jesus’ heart immediately because of His weeping.  In verse 36, they said, “See how he loved him!”  They saw it without Jesus fixing the problem, giving advice, trying to cheer anybody up, or even hugging anyone.  They saw it because He just paused for a moment and shared their tears.    Jesus never did give them advice.  He never did tell them everything was going to be okay.  He didn’t hug them and try to make the crying stop.  He just cried with them.  And then He went and did what only God could do.

I don’t take the time to do what Jesus did for Mary.

I think back to hard times in my life.  I remember when my mom died.  There were sympathy cards and well wishes.  I had food prepared and got some hugs.  People stepped in and did things for me that I couldn’t do in those moments.  I am grateful – I appreciate those things.  But the times that healed my heart, that allowed me to get my grief out, were the times when someone silently held my hand and I saw the tears flow from their eyes as they sat with me in my weeping.  And yet, I don’t take the time to do that like Jesus did for Mary.  I jump in to try to make the hurting stop.  I hug and try to find the right words to say, even though there is no way I can stop the pain for them.  Or I jump in to do something for them – bring food or clean the house – because I want them to know they are not alone and I care.  Or I give them advice about how to navigate through this hard time, trying to make the burden easier, even though I know each person’s grief is different. 

Lord Jesus, your responses to all situations are perfect. 

If I were to look to Jesus and follow His example, I would see that if I just sat with them in their grief, I would accomplish all of the things I want to.  I would ease their pain because I would be sharing it with them.  They would know that I care and they are not alone.  I would make their path easier no matter how they navigated it because I would be carrying some of the burden.  Lord Jesus, your responses to all situations are perfect.  Help me to remember the healing power of your response to Mary the next time I see a friend who is in grief.

I hope today’s message touched your heart, increased your understanding, and encouraged you.  Praying the peace and comfort of Christ Jesus on your life.