What if Weakness is Our Spiritual Gift?

A few days ago, I was having one of those great talks with my good friend.  You know the kind – the ones where you know each other – warts, beauty marks and all – and you love each other for it. And I do love this person.  She is equal parts exceptional faith and honest humanness.  And she has the wisdom of many years of ministry to share.  I am blessed by her friendship.  We were talking that day about the humanness part of life – the frustration, hurt, disappointment, and overall troublesomeness of other people and of our own broken reaction to it all.  She comes up with the best one-liners to summarize things!  That day it was, “Weakness is my spiritual gift.”  We both laughed and claimed that as our motto.  But, as with much of what she shares, it got me thinking.  Our human brokenness and inability to relate to God and others in anything close to a perfect way is one of the hard parts of this mortal existence.  It pains me how others treat me sometimes, and it pains me equally how I treat them sometimes, even if I don’t want to.  It pains me even more that God sees it and knows about it.  Even Paul was frustrated with his humanity in Romans 7:19:  “For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.”  If even Paul suffered from it, I feel safe saying that weakness is everyone’s spiritual gift.

What if weakness is our greatest gift?

It wasn’t the weakness part that got me thinking – I am well aware of my weaknesses.  It was the idea that it is a gift that made me pay attention.  What if weakness is a gift?  Not only that, but what if it is ultimately our greatest gift?  What if we embraced it instead of being ashamed by it?  Now, I don’t mean to revel in sin.  Far from it.  We are to strive to be perfect, as much as is humanly possible.  We are to be actively trying to turn from sin and all manner of wrongdoing.  We are not supposed to hurt each other.  None of those human failings should be glorified.  But embracing weakness and glorifying it are two different things.  So why should we embrace when we fall short, and what would that even look like?

Sometimes, situational strength is exactly what we need.

To explain, let me start with strength.  As Americans, we tend to take a lot of pride in our independence and self-sufficiency.  In the West, it is even more of a cultural norm.  The more self-sufficient and capable of handling our problems we appear, the stronger people see us.  But is it the right kind of strength?  The answer is it depends.  Aundi Kolber, a Christian licensed professional counselor, says there are three types of strength: situational, transitional, and integrated.  The self-sufficient, I-will-handle-it-myself strength is situational strength and sometimes it is exactly what you need.  In situations where you are being hurt, and you need to survive it and find a way to escape, situational strength is very helpful.  It is our automatic response in the middle of the emergency, or when we hear the devastating news, or when the pain is too great.  It is the coping mechanisms that come in and tell you to fight your way out, take flight, or freeze until it passes over.  It is your most basic survival response, and it was built into you for emergency situations.  But when the emergency is over, whatever you experienced can keep you stuck in survival mode.  The trauma, fear, and shame can keep you trapped in a prison of stress, anxiety, and depression. It is hard to trust someone else when you have been hurt or traumatized.  It sometimes feels easier to just be an island all to yourself.

We are not designed by God to stay in survival mode.

We were not designed by God to stay in survival mode.  No one is thriving if they are only surviving.  Survival pumps adrenaline, cortisol, and other damaging stress hormones into our systems.  God designed us for hope, joy, and peace.  He designed us for love, trust, and fellowship.  He built us for relationship.  We can’t truly have any of those things when we are trapped in the situational strength of survival mode.  First and foremost, He begs us to turn to Him for help.  Verse after verse tells us how God is our defender – our protector – our comfort and strength. Our very weakness – the brokenness that threw us into survival mode – is the brokenness that can drive us into the arms of God. 

“Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles.” Philippians 4:14

Sometimes though, we need a little more.  We need an actual voice.  We need an arm to wrap around our shoulders.  We need a physical face that can reflect sympathy back to us.  Even Paul needed that.  One of the most famous verses in the Bible is Philippians 4:13: “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.”  That verse is powerful and shows up on all sorts of mugs, signs, and clothing.  And it should – it is an incredible promise of the strength God will give us.  But equally powerful is the next verse – Philippians 4:14: “Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles.”  How come everyone forgets about the next verse?  How come verse 14 isn’t a life verse?  Even Paul, with his great faith and spiritual strength, needed someone human to share his troubles with.  Not only that, he wasn’t afraid to ask for help.  At the end of 2 Timothy, he asks Timothy to come to him as quickly as possible because he is in jail and nearly everyone has left him.  Paul needed more than situational strength.

Transitional strength is when we start to come out of that survival mode and heal. 

So what are the other two types of strength?  Transitional strength is when we start to come out of that survival mode and heal.  We begin to do two things.  We learn to identify what it is that is keeping us bottled up in ourselves and we learn to reach out to others, a little at a time.  We have to learn to be more like Paul.  We have to recognize that we need some support – that we are too alone in our problems.  We need to be brave enough to admit we are weak.  We need to identify someone who is safe and we need to start asking them to come to us.  We need to reach out to our own Timothy. 

Integrated strength is the strength we should strive to live in. 

Integrated strength is when we have learned to both protect ourselves and reach out to others safely and intentionally.  We know when to draw away and we know when to pull close.  We know when to borrow some strength from someone else and we know when to give some of what we have to others.  Integrated strength is the strength we should strive to live in.  It is how our relationship with God should be – open, honest, and real.  Us doing our part and us also leaning on God at the same time.

Our shared weakness made us able to connect in a way we hadn’t before.

If our goal is integrated strength, what does that even look like and how does weakness play into it?  I have had the privilege recently of experiencing how shared weakness builds relationship strength.  I was having a conversation with a friend about some times in the past when my relationship choices were not the greatest.  I had not only been hurt, but was very embarrassed by it.  I could see she was struggling with similar issues.  So I shared with her.  I was cringing on the inside, wondering what she would think and waiting to see a look of discomfort or rejection or something else negative cross her face.  What happened surprised me a little.  My vulnerability and weakness made her visibly relax in relief from the burden she had been carrying.  She said, “I thought it was just me,” as the tension obviously drained out of her body.  And then the tension drained out of mine.  Instead of being embarrassed, I felt safe and connected.  Our shared weakness made us able to connect in a way we hadn’t before.  What she didn’t know was how many times I had heard that exact some phrase in the last few days: “I thought it was just me.”

My quest to be perfect enough to please everyone was keeping me from being human enough to really connect with them.

As I reflect on that, I shouldn’t be surprised how powerful that connection felt.  After all, I can’t relate to perfection.  There is nothing a perfect person could say that would be anything like what my inner life is like.  Being too perfect and too competent makes people uncomfortable because it makes the rest of us feel like there is something wrong with us.  It makes us look at our problems and weaknesses and think, “I guess it is just me.”  Ironically, I used to be that person who always had to look and act perfect.  I thought if I showed weakness, no one would like me.  I came across to people initially as quiet, distant, aloof, and without much personality.  No one saw the real me – they just saw a mask and no one can relate to a mask.  It was distancing.  My quest to be perfect enough to please everyone was keeping me from being human enough to really connect with them. I didn’t know that the way to have close connection was to reveal the very honest struggle and weakness I was trying so hard to hide.

Weakness is what gets us to reach outside of our shell and become real with other people. 

Weakness is our gift.  It is what breaks the human pride and need for control that keeps us from submitting our hearts to God.  Weakness is the reason we need salvation, but admitting weakness is also the only way we can get salvation.  Likewise, weakness is what gets us to reach outside of our shell and become real with other people.  And weakness is what they offer to us, too.  Even better, when we can be brave and share a weakness, only to find out that someone else has the same problem, we can both breathe a sigh of relief, realize it isn’t just us, and get on with the business of building real, honest relationships with each other.  It is the cure to the shame, insecurity, and secret self-loathing that so many of us suffer from.

How can we start being people of authenticity? 

It is hard. Don’t I know it.  I struggled to learn to be real after decades of hiding myself away.  I made tons of mistakes.  The first few steps of showing weakness can be terrifying, especially if there was someone in your life that used your weakness against you.  I shared too little with some people and way too much with others.  I got hurt sometimes, but I also got connected other times.  So how can we start being people of authenticity?  It is a combination of vulnerability and safety.  Don’t go out and pour out your life story to the first people you meet.  You want to find safe people who will embrace you entirely – weakness included.  Start slowly.  Share a little bit.  See if they share back.  If the tension releases and you walk away feeling relieved and seen, that is a great sign.  Later, share a little bit more.  If the other person does not reciprocate – if they start to “fix” you or they get uncomfortable or they put you down – they are not the one to connect deeply with.  Find someone else. 

Realize weakness is what makes you real, trustworthy, authentic, and loveable. 

Most importantly, embrace your weakness.  Know that it will always be part of existence.  Know that you will never be perfect.  But also realize it is what makes you real, trustworthy, authentic, and loveable.  Reach out to others but also be the safe person for them to reach back to.  Listen to and witness their struggles with empathy and grace.  Don’t fix them or one-up them.  Listen, love, and when it resonates with your experience, say, “Me, too – you are not alone.” Thank them for sharing and appreciate their honesty and trust in you.  Then you will experience what Paul understood in Galatians 6:2: “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”  Bearing burdens is a two-way street that requires weakness.  Who knew that embracing and sharing our brokenness was a way to please the Lord?  God’s model of love embraces all things – even your imperfections.  Use them to connect better with others today.

I hope today’s message touched your heart, increased your understanding, and encouraged you.  Praying the peace and comfort of Christ Jesus on your life.